How to deal with low mood
When we feel low, it’s harder to make decisions we’d easily make when we're feeling good.
Should I call in sick to work or see if I can push through?
Should I eat something which takes the edge off or eat something healthy?
Should I workout or have a rest day?
The issue with making decisions like these when you’re feeling down is that low mood urges us to make short-term decisions which result in us feeling worse. And while we make these decisions which provide instant relief, we’re aware of all the better decisions we could be making but aren’t, further fanning the flames of our guilt and perfectionism.
So the first thing to realise when dealing with low mood is that we need to make good decisions, not perfect decisions.
As Dr. Julie Smith says “a good decision is one that moves you in the direction you want to go. It doesn’t have to catapult you there.”
The key thing is to make a decision.
To illustrate this, let me borrow your imagination for a moment.
Imagine you find yourself in deep water in the dark, with no way of telling which direction leads to safety. Perhaps swimming forward will lead you further away from safety or closer. But you just don’t know.
The crucial thing to realise here is that if you stay in the water without moving you will eventually exhaust yourself and drown.
This is what it’s like when we experience low mood. So understanding that doing anything positive, however small, is the first healthy step towards moving in the direction you want to go.
Consistency:
Secondly, when feeling low, don’t burden yourself further by setting extreme expectations on your actions. Instead, work with yourself and pick one small change that you can action, no matter how trivial it may seem.
Whenever I get stuck in low mood, just brushing my teeth or having a shower is enough to spark the positive momentum I’m searching for.
So remember…
You’ll have to create the momentum you want to see.
Don’t kick yourself when you’re down:
The most damaging part of being stuck in low mood is the negative self-criticism and self-attack it sparks.
It’s easy to chastise yourself for all the things you aren’t doing, the rut you’ve got yourself into or the potential you’re not actualising. But if this is something you struggle with, there’s a frightening technique you a use to counteract this.
Think of someone you love unconditionally. Now imagine they were speaking about themselves the way your inner voice of self-criticism talks to you.
How would you respond to them?
What would you want them to have the courage to see in themselves?
How would you want them to speak to themselves instead?
Self-compassion doesn’t have to be some mushy-gushy over indulgence of narcissistic love. It can simply be you holding yourself accountable like you would a best friend. Cheering yourself on after making a positive step towards taking care of yourself. Or picking yourself back up to go back out there and have another go.
In a previous video I’ve mentioned my friend Austin. He lives in my head.
He’s got long blonde hair and looks like a surfer dude. I talk to him when I need some encouragement and accountability and he always delivers it with brotherly (sometimes tough) love, but always necessary.
I know, I should go and see a shrink.
How do you want to feel instead?
When we feel down in the dumps, our first instinct is to think of everything we don’t want to feel. But sometimes it’s more helpful to know what we want to feel instead.
A great exercise you can do for this is filling out the cross-sectional formulation below to give you clarity on how to cultivate the feeling you want.
When doing this, consider:
When you have felt that way in the past, what has been the focus of your attention?
What might your thoughts/self-talk need to sound like in order for you to feel that way?
When you have felt that way before, how did you behave? What did you do more of or less of?
If you were to feel that way, how would you need to be treating your body?
When you are feeling at your best, what do your thoughts sound like?
What do you tend to be focused on? What does that inner voice sound like then?
Check out this example of the diagram below:
Lastly, there’s one more imagination technique I’d recommend to help you deal with low mood.
Take a moment to imagine that when you stop reading this article, a miracle happens and the problems you’ve been struggling with all disappear.
What would be the first signs the the problem has gone?
What would you do differently?
What would you say yes to?
What would you say no to?
What would you focus your energy and attention on?
What would you do more or less of?
How would you interact with people differently?
How would you structure your life differently?
How would you speak to yourself differently?
What would you be free to let go of?
So to conclude, whether you’re battling with low mood now or are using this knowledge to plan ahead, I wish you all the best in creating the positive momentum you deserve.
Cognitive bias of the week:
Why watching and waiting is torture (action-bias)
“In new or shaky circumstances, we feel compelled to do something, anything. Afterward we feel better, even if we have made things worse by acting too quickly or too often. So, though it might not merit a parade in your honour, if a situation is unclear, hold back until you can assess your options. “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone” wrote Blaise Pascal. At home, in his study.”
- Rolf Dobelli
Quote of the week:
What to expect from the channel this week!:
- After the latest video did well of "the dangerous rise of serious young men" I'm going to be exploring more topics regarding men's mental health
- It seems these messages are received best and I've got a lot more to say about them
- Next vid = "It’s scary because it’s unfamiliar, not because you’re incapable"
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